Ran into an old friend on BPM last week… somebody that I check on via another friend but haven’t talked to in almost 4 years. He had a lightweight thing for me back in the day but I was otherwise involved with the X so I pretended not to notice.
Now I don’t know why I’m still visiting BPM after all the previous comedy.
But you know… there’s a problem right??? Is it the fact that he’s moving out of the country soon? No… that’s not the problem, I have email and IM and I love to fly. Is it the fact that he has a child?… No….. not the issue either.
What is the connundrum you ask??? How about the WIFE? Bingo! So there’s a wife.. not an ex…. or a girlfriend even. He appears unhappy in the relationship and but isn’t actively planning to move on with his future.
Why is it that I can find every unavailable man (either emotionally unavailable or relationshiply unavailable) but couldn’t find an available one if he had a bullseye tattooed on his butt? I really think the problem is me… I must be subconsciously finding men like my dear old dad. My daddy is a wonderful person but he is strange as they come! He doesn’t do people and makes it a point to be as unavailable as possible. He loves us all dearly but has one hell of a time expressing it.
I’m still talking to him, enjoying it far more than I truly should. I justify it by saying that it’s just IM, no harm done. But is it? If he really is unhappy in his relationship, I am certainly not doing him a favor by being so darned perfect. And I’m only perfect to him because he can see all of his wife’s imperfections in my mirror.
I’m tired of feeling a tug on my line only to find out that my big catch…. is a goldfish with a kung-fu grip! (thanks C for that thought!). One of these days, I hope to reel in a marlin!
