Postcards from the Tip of Insanity

Okay, so I just had to share this work story… I have been laughing ALL day!

I’m on my dermatology rotation right now and while I don’t see how people could do this all day, I did have my first bright spot today!

Picture it: Chicago November 2005 (I watch too much Golden Girls, I know):
A 26 year old man from another country, a tropical country shall we say. So he comes into the office with a thousand and 1 questions (which I don’t usually mind, this is why I like clinic).

Question number 1: I have lots of moles. Answer: they’re pretty normal, just keep an eye on em.

Question number 2: Am I too old for acne? Answer: no not really, pretty common in the 20s and sometimes 30s.

But then it went downhill from there. The third question was… I have this rash on my legs and butt, what is it?

So we had the young man undress and put on a gown (that required an entire block of instruction but okay… he’s not really from here). I come back into the room and WTF??!!!

This dude looked like he was wearing a pair of gray sweatpants!!! I mean nashy (just ashy and nasty)!!!!!! This young man is bright, he’s an engineering grad student for goodness sakes!!! But dude couldn’t have put on a drop of lotion, cream, nothing for at least 2 or 3 months! This was beyond ec.zema (a truly annoying medical condition that lots of people, including this young man, have). This was just body neglect. I know he couldn’t ever expect to lay up with some woman leaving body dandruff all up in her bed! We asked him if he moisturizes.. dude said no, never! We asked how often he bathed (remember my meme???) because too hot showers can aggravate the skin and cause excess dryness and what did this dude say???

I bathe every other day or so in the winter since I’m not sweating!

Hold the phone, stop the presses, call the law!!!! Did he really say he didn’t warsh (and yes I said warsh) his arse every day! He just lays up in the nastiness until he deems necessary! Hot Damn Mess I tell ya! It took everything in me to keep from falling out laughing when he said it. And the sad part is… the first thing I thought… “Oh this must go into the blog!” Sad, I know!

So needless to say, we gave the young man some prescriptions for the ec.ze.ma and PLENTY of free samples of lotions (to which he responded, “now how do I use these”)

And I swear to you, every bit of this story is true…. I’m not at all creative enough to make some shit like this up!

Have you ever had one of those days where you are just jealous of absolutely everyone? Jealousy is one of those strange emotions because it’s not always an honest one. Sometimes we’re jealous of someone because they have what we want, sometimes it’s just that they have something at all (even if it’s something we wouldn’t ever think about having).

So my good friend from the Army got married last weekend. Absolutely beautiful wedding! She looked like a princess and her new hubby is a good guy. They managed to pull of the dream wedding on a limited budget. The weather in South Carolina was great! The dress was adorable (for once, a bridesmaid dress that can be worn again). They just got back from a honeymoon cruise. Can you say forest green with envy???? But I am happy for her none the less because she found someone who is her true match. I survived yet another wedding without being bitter about marriage!!!! I even gave a toast (which is an absolute feat b/c I hate public speaking!). I’m happy for me, I’m adjusting well to singlehood. Didn’t hurt that I was the cute bridesmaid in the wedding…. something to be said for good life days!

Weird thing is, I’m most jealous when I’m totally indecisive. On one hand I am not looking forward to finalizing my divorce on Wednesday but I certainly don’t want the ex back. I’m lonely but I don’t really want a steady man in my life right now. I miss hanging out with my friends who are scattered across the country but I don’t feel like talking to anybody or going out. I guess it’s best to embrace the craziness and just be.

But the best thing is, I am in a great place in my life right now. I feel good about myself, my future, and other people. But I can’t help wanting more. I suppose wanting more is a good thing because it means I’m still active in life and not just wallowing in the low points. If you can’t dream, what’s the point of living?

This restless feeling is interesting! For once I’m not upset about being restless, I’m jsut looking forward to finding out what’s next.

Despite going through some thangs lately I definitely have a great deal to be thankful for so here goes:

1. School is going better than I expected. Almost done with 3rd year rotations and I haven’t had any serious issues on a clinical rotation.
2. A roof over my head (even if my sister can be a bit nutty sometimes). this living arrangement has given me an opportunity to get closer to my sisters.
3. Friends (both old and new) and friends of friends who are becoming my friends (sounds neurotic doesn’t it). Especially friends who “look me out” when I need it most.
4. An ability to believe in the joys of love despite having met the sorrows.
5. An unusual ability to travel without a job or any money
6. Losing a few pounds (that I don’t plan to gain back over the holidays)
7. Sunshine and rain. Without both, nothing grows!
8. Toecurling, flashback inducing sex!
9. Surprise phone calls that brighten my days
10. Bond movies on Spi.ke TV all day on Thanksgiving! Damned distractions!
11 And most of all.. .Iam most thankful for another day of my sanity!

Happy Thanksgiving to all! Take a minute to think about all of the things we take for granted.

Well now that I have recovered some measure of my sanity.. I guess I’m well enough to write.

Yesterday was the day from the inner sanctum of Hades! If I were ever suicidal, I might have jumped yesterday. First I get to my car, pick up my cell and find that it’s cut off. I mean seriously folks.. the haters at Sp.rint waste no time at all trying to steal your joy (and I don’t mean the one on O’s site ). My bill may have been a day late if that but nooooo the haters decide that i don’t get to talk. So, I paid the bill and went on with my day. Or so I thought!

I turn the car key and what do I get, yep… the engine light comes on! Now I have a 45 minute commute on the expressway. I have a mother who doesn’t drive on the expressway, a brother whose car wouldn’t make it on the expressway, and sisters that work in the far suburbs.. Now tell me what the hell am I supposed to do….

Yep, I took my dear Frankie to the doctor. He needed a good $700 worth of work. Now how exactly am I going to pay for that… well the plastic money of course. Plastic money that I’m trying to cut back on, especially since I don’t have a job right now. But anyway, won’t graduate if I don’t go to the hospitals so I paid the gougers and left the baby to be fixed. I won’t even start on how this is a domestic vehicle and I never had problems out of my 10 year old H.on.da b/c that’s another issue. While I was there, I went ahead and got my passengers side mirror replaced after Bay Bay’s offspring decided to clip poor Frankie’s wing.

So I call my mom to pick me up from the dealership and she informs me that I’m spending the rest of the afternoon with her. Which I guess isn’t a bad deal since in all my infinite wisdom, I leave my house keys on the ring with my car key and couldn’t get in if I wanted to. First she fusses at me for not having a hat on my head in the 30 degree weather (I hate hats, always have) and she takes me to the store to buy a hat (which I left in the bag in the car… stubborn little one ain’t I). Then she tells me we’re going to play Keno with her old lady crew.

The old lady crew… that’s a good story! My mom hangs out with a bunch of older ladies. My mom is the young one in the crew (and she’s almost 60). The crew is mostly 75-80 year olds all church going ladies with some of the DIRTIEST mouths you will ever hear! For three hours they sit around and play Keno for nickles and tell dirty jokes. They even met us at the door asking if we wanted Amar.etto sours (from the 1/2 gallon jug in the fridge). Pure comedy! Just what I needed to brighten my day after spending money I don’t have.

So now I can look back on the day and laugh! I got a new hat, a pair of boots, a few too many drinks and some quality time with the mom and all for the low low price of $892.

Been talking to some friends about the first relationships post-breakup. We’re all at different points in our relationship lives. One is recently married to the first person she’s been in a relationship with in over 4 years. One broke off an engagement a few years back due to cheating. One is getting ready to get married (more on that this week and next). And one has been more or less happily married for 7 years.

The topic is… when is too soon?? The relationship book market is saturated with books about rules and regulations. TV psychologists come up with snappy slogans that don’t mean a blasted thing and have ratings out the roof!

My girls all try to be encouraging by saying that things will happen when they’re supposed to happen. For the most part I believe that but sometimes you have to stop and ask yourself… are you really ready? I’ve been separated for 7 months and most of what I miss is companionship. Don’t get me wrong, “I definitely miss being 10 toes up 10 toes down” but finding some arse has never been a serious issue for me. Not everybody u want to get nekkid with is someone you want to settle into a comfy little thing with! Sometimes it is what it is?

Right now I’m just doing me. I worry about rushing into a relationship too soon (not that it’s really been a problem or anything…. fine men aren’t riding up on chariots trying to woo me or anything). But I’m working on not being snippy with people because I just plain ole don’t want them to get that deep in my world. I’m liable to change my mind in a heartbeat for the most trivial reasons .

It’s interesting to watch the whole relationship thing through my girls…. the one that is the most happily married is married to “the rebound guy” and my ex and I dated longer than anyone we know and we’re the first to bust up. Who knows whether the next relationship is the one that brings us completeness or just gets us over the “hump”

Awww look, my very first meme. Not that I have a whole bunch of readers but what the hay.. might be fun!

First

• First job:
Bank clerk
• First screen name:
Red_Diva75
• First funeral:
some person I didn’t know well… obviously don’t remember
• First pet:
of my very own, some dead fish whose name I don’t remember
• First piercing:
ears
• First tattoo:
sun on my lower back
• First credit card:
Discov.er (and the greedy busters still won’t give me peace)
• First kiss:
6th grade, some guy whose name i remember but won’t share
• First enemy:

• Last car ride:
home from getting my freedom papers notarized
• Last kiss:
on a train
• Last movie watched:
Madea’s Class Reunion
• Last beverage drank:
Trade.winds Sweet tea (close as i can get to the real thing up here in the Chi)
• Last food consumed:
damn, lunch and it’s almost 9pm. Lunch was some fries and a fruit cup. More filling than I thought!
• Last phone call:
had to have a “distract me” call to my girl K in Houston.
• Last time showered:
this damned morning (who would really answer that with a nasty truth)
• Last CD played:
I only listen to my Ipod so I haven’t listened to a whole CD in a minute. My guess is that it was Al B Sure! (um and it was this week… I ain’t shamed!)
• Last website visited:

• Single or taken:
Single
• Gender:
Proud woman
• Birthday:
March 24th
• Sign:
Aries baby!
• Siblings:
4
• Hair color:
natural.. no Kool-aid colors for the kid. It’s some shade of brown with some highlights
• Eye color:
brown as the day I was born
• Shoe size:
8
• Height:
5′ 7″ (okay 5′ 6.5″ but i round up)
• Wearing:
clothes
• Drinking:
not enough
• Thinking about:
food
• Listening to:

Being that I am the kind of girl I am (sorry… thinking in songs again) usually I am pretty fearless. But as I have gotten older (perhaps as I began to value life and limb and my future) I seem to be afraid of so much.

Fear is crippling. It stiffles creativity and personal growth. It’s the only thing that stands between you and the goal 99% of the time.

Now what the hell am I afraid of this week:
1. I was too afraid to climb the high wall at our leadership retreat last weekend. 20 other people did it and survived and what did I do…. heckled from the ground and then went home and beat myself up mentally for being chicken.
2. Moving forward as a single woman. I’ve been coupled for 13 long years and after the bout of weirdos I’ve met… let’s just say I’m a little shy now. Signed the divorce papers today so freedom’s date is 10/16/05 (y’all have a drink for me since I can’t afford the divorce party).
3. Poverty. I have roughly 18 months of school left and I won’t be employed until June 07 (maybe sooner, if I decide to finish in Dec 06). No real reason to be afraid of poverty, I got enough to pay for the things they take away (apartment, car) and as long as there is no debtors prison… I’m straight. But it’s my stubborn Aries pride that never lets me ask for things.
4. Carnies: Damned circus people (sorry… Aus.tin Pow.ers flashback)

Now I’m an Aries. A fire sign. I should know better. Must get past this learned helplessness. I have made it 30 years and have rolled right through hard times…. these too shall pass.