Being that I am the kind of girl I am (sorry… thinking in songs again) usually I am pretty fearless. But as I have gotten older (perhaps as I began to value life and limb and my future) I seem to be afraid of so much.
Fear is crippling. It stiffles creativity and personal growth. It’s the only thing that stands between you and the goal 99% of the time.
Now what the hell am I afraid of this week:
1. I was too afraid to climb the high wall at our leadership retreat last weekend. 20 other people did it and survived and what did I do…. heckled from the ground and then went home and beat myself up mentally for being chicken.
2. Moving forward as a single woman. I’ve been coupled for 13 long years and after the bout of weirdos I’ve met… let’s just say I’m a little shy now. Signed the divorce papers today so freedom’s date is 10/16/05 (y’all have a drink for me since I can’t afford the divorce party).
3. Poverty. I have roughly 18 months of school left and I won’t be employed until June 07 (maybe sooner, if I decide to finish in Dec 06). No real reason to be afraid of poverty, I got enough to pay for the things they take away (apartment, car) and as long as there is no debtors prison… I’m straight. But it’s my stubborn Aries pride that never lets me ask for things.
4. Carnies: Damned circus people (sorry… Aus.tin Pow.ers flashback)
Now I’m an Aries. A fire sign. I should know better. Must get past this learned helplessness. I have made it 30 years and have rolled right through hard times…. these too shall pass.
