Have you ever had one of those days where you are just jealous of absolutely everyone? Jealousy is one of those strange emotions because it’s not always an honest one. Sometimes we’re jealous of someone because they have what we want, sometimes it’s just that they have something at all (even if it’s something we wouldn’t ever think about having).
So my good friend from the Army got married last weekend. Absolutely beautiful wedding! She looked like a princess and her new hubby is a good guy. They managed to pull of the dream wedding on a limited budget. The weather in South Carolina was great! The dress was adorable (for once, a bridesmaid dress that can be worn again). They just got back from a honeymoon cruise. Can you say forest green with envy???? But I am happy for her none the less because she found someone who is her true match. I survived yet another wedding without being bitter about marriage!!!! I even gave a toast (which is an absolute feat b/c I hate public speaking!). I’m happy for me, I’m adjusting well to singlehood. Didn’t hurt that I was the cute bridesmaid in the wedding…. something to be said for good life days!
Weird thing is, I’m most jealous when I’m totally indecisive. On one hand I am not looking forward to finalizing my divorce on Wednesday but I certainly don’t want the ex back. I’m lonely but I don’t really want a steady man in my life right now. I miss hanging out with my friends who are scattered across the country but I don’t feel like talking to anybody or going out. I guess it’s best to embrace the craziness and just be.
But the best thing is, I am in a great place in my life right now. I feel good about myself, my future, and other people. But I can’t help wanting more. I suppose wanting more is a good thing because it means I’m still active in life and not just wallowing in the low points. If you can’t dream, what’s the point of living?
This restless feeling is interesting! For once I’m not upset about being restless, I’m jsut looking forward to finding out what’s next.
