Postcards from the Tip of Insanity

I get such a kick out of talking to the ex-husband. I hadn’t spoken with him in a month or so and I decided to make sure I didn’t have any mail at his house (he’ll hold on to the mail forever if I don’t call him). We had such a lovely conversation. We talked about his family for a while. His family isn’t close (which caused problems for us) but he did learn a little something about family from being around mine. His cousin graduated from high school recently which made me feel old because I remember her as a little 5 year old when I met the ex. He offered to drop off my mail after work and acted surprised when I told him to phone first because I’m not always at home at that time of night.

I miss his friendship sometimes.

I really don’t miss him the husband.

Thank you God! It took a long time to get there.

I talked to the clown in Germany (yeah I know, I probably shouldn’t be talking to him). He’s still diggin me, which usually would make me feel good but on him it’s kinda pitiful. We chatted on IM for an hour or so. He had the nerve to ask to see me on my webcam (hello, priviledges revoked). He keeps asking about my new man. Why is it that just because I am not feeling you, it has to be about somebody else. No my brother you brought that on yourself. The fact that I have a new man in my life (which I don’t have any problem admitting) just makes my life better but really, it is not the cause of me cutting him loose.

Can we just say that I am QUITE thankful for my freedom (from crazy ex-husbands and crazy potential ex-boyfriends)! It is amazing how much better life is when you stop trying to be in control. My soror and I were having a discussion about not trying to make God do what we want him to do. She was almost ordered to Ku.wa.it and she had gotten all upset until she took it to Him. Orders were deleted. I didn’t know how I was going to afford these away rotations in Florida and Texas but I asked Him to handle it for me. I got a $1000 scholarship from one of my rotation sites to pay for housing and transportation. I stopped begging God for a mate and whining about being lonely and what happens, He drops off a man at my doorstep. Everything happens in due time!

So I can finally say the drought is over! It was certainly worth the wait and that’s all I will say on that matter. Grown-up fun with someone you are really diggin is Fantabulous

But anywhoo, I guess I’m enjoying my “titleless non-relationship” with Coach. We spent all day Sunday just relaxing and chit chatting. It was pretty cool. I have learned not to push the “relationship” talk because I watch his actions more than listen to all of his “fears”.

We were both in a mushy sort of mood so there were lots of compliments and affectionate words flowing. That’s rare for me because I tend to keep my feelings bottled up because I don’t like being vulnerable. I find myself opening up a space for him in my life and although I want to run from it, something in his spirit just keeps calling me. I really enjoy being around him, even when we’re just breathing in the same air and watching one another sleep (we tend to nap at different times). I’m looking forward to this week because it is his b-day week (also known as “Coach Appreciation Week”) so I get the opportunity to spoil him rotten. His birthday gift is purchased and personalized, the ingredients for his cake are in the kitchen, his cards are already signed. I love taking a moment (with a sanctioned holiday) to tell someone I appreciate them. I had the hardest time finding a non-funny card because all of the cards skip right from “homey” to “husband”. Where are the cards for “I’m getting to know you and I think you’re special”? They used to sell those a few years back. Now everything is “my love” or “my husband”. We aren’t there yet. So I got a “less than hilarious” card and wrote a little note in it. Of course I’m nervous about him reading it (even though it isn’t that mushy). I sent him an evite for his birthday dinner (even though it’s just the two of us) and the nut job rsvp’d maybe to make me laugh. I kinda figured he would do that I love a man with a sick and twisted sense of humor.

Ok enough of my sappy mushiness. I guess I shall get ready for another day of studying tomorrow. My baby (my god-brother) graduates from 8th grade tomorrow and he’s the salutatorian so I have to be front and center. Toodles!