Postcards from the Tip of Insanity

Okay for once I’m on time…

I am soooo ready for this year to be on its way. It’s been one heck of a year but I have MAJOR plans for 2007!!! Graduating this year, finally getting a real job, new apartment… life is sweet.

Some of you already know that I may be called up to the Army for full time duty (in the States). Downside is that I can’t start my residency for a year (maybe even 2). Bright side (minor brightside) is that I could pay off ALL of my debt, get a new car (the Focus just is NOT a grown woman’s car!), send my brother back to school, get back into shape and get the heck out of the military with my sanity.

I got my wig tossed for the big nite tonight. Can I just tell y’all how long it’s been since I could afford a professional job! Not doing anything really exciting. My family has a big NYE party at my mother’s cousin’s house. Coach and I are spending it together so that’s all that matters. I’ve been making sure all of my New Year’s superstitions are straight. My family believes in a clean house, no trash in the house, money in your hand at midnight. Not to mention the traditional black eyed peas and greens with dinner. A house full of college educated, professional folks but we still have our superstitions….

Question: Anybody else have interesting New Years superstitions?

Okay first of all.. A Very Late Merry Christmas and an early Happy New Year (y’all know how sporadically I post)

So this is finally the last week of 2006. This year has had its ups and downs for me. This was the year I went completely broke, my first year as a divorced woman, the year I passed boards, the year I moved out of my sisters apartment, and best of all … it’s the year I met Coach.

Creole in DC (one of my absolute favorite bloggers) posted today about how much she loves her husband (who sounds absolutely fabulous!). So of course you know I started thinking about the love in my life.

But before we talk about the ever wonderful Coach, let me step back to the very beginning of the year. Newly divorced and incredibly jealous of the fact that the ex had a new girlfriend, I had begun to do the unthinkable. I actually began to believe that I was not loveable. I thought that the ex may have been it. I thought about getting with the guy I cheated on the ex with since at least I knew he cared for me at one time. But wait… what kind of stupid bs was that. I can’t pinpoint the day that I said… ENOUGH but I am damn sure glad I did! And then I willed myself to stop looking for a mate because “I can do bad by my damn self” (the lonely woman’s anthem).

And then I met him…

I don’t really know why I was so drawn to Coach initially. He’s handsome but I’ve dated some pretty hot men. He and I didn’t talk alot but we seemed to have a good conversation.

He is truly my other half (I am the better half). He is comforting when I am down, silly when I need a laugh, supportive of my career goals, generous with his time and money. It’s kind of hard to believe that when we met, he had two jobs and was coaching Little League. I don’t know where he found time for me in that life, but I’m awful glad he did.

We have had a few relationship challenges lately that I’ve been meaning to blog about. Now that I’m at my do nothing job where I’m waiting for students who are on break to come in for tutoring (yeah, that will happen), I have time to share.

I went to an interview for my residency position in Milwaukee a week or so ago. I initally only went because one of my girls is in the program and I just wanted to see where she worked. I fell in LOVE with the program. Milwaukee is about 2 hrs from Chicago (Problem!). They had everything I was looking for… except Coach. He doesn’t want to move. So I came home and sheepishly told him that I loved the program. He sighed and said “ok, go”, “milwaukee isn’t that far away”. He said that he loved me too much to let me skip a great opportunity. I was hurt that he would let me go but at the same time I was touched by his generosity. But in the end, I chose to have the whole life I want. Life is more than career. That’s a dilemma alot of women face. I am happy in my relationship, happy in my church, and I like having the support of family. I had to choose happiness. Three years is a long time to live apart and I have big plans for us in the next three years.

The second challenge is our living situation. I have been living with Coach since I got back from Florida. We love living in the same place. Coach and I are a wonderful team so things have gone really smoothly. The catch… church and our moral foundation. He and I are both church going, cussing, sinning, works in progress. He prays with his prayer group three times a week at 5am. I don’t quite have that level of dedication yet but I do sing in the choir at church and pray and all that other good stuff. We initally planned to live together until I started residency and could afford my own place. Then we figured we could just live together indefinitely and save some money. He discussed it with his prayer group and they objected. So we started to think things over and while we don’t see anything immoral about it, we decided to go back to the original plan of me getting my own place. No need to start a life together on the wrong foot. We’re trying to do the right things this time. He has lived with someone before and I’ve been married once already so we both have things we want to do differently this time. I have gone broke recently so I’m working double duty trying to be ready to move. Hell, I even did an extra 6 weeks of school so that I can get some financial aid (yeah I know it’s still loan money but what is 1 more semester in the grand scheme of things).

So anyway, been rambling long enough. Gotta figure out when/how to use the spa gift certificate the honey bought me for Christmas. He said he went for the smaller gift since he brought me most of my Christmas present the day after Thanksgiving when we went shopping. He must not know how badly the kid needs a facial, pedicure, eyebrow threading… shoot, I gots plans!

2007 is my year! I have already claimed it. Coach and I are working on our health and finances. He’s cutting back on his ebay, I’m cutting back on dining out in expensive restaurants. Yes a broke negro still likes a good meal sometimes… the key is learning to cut back, not out!

Peace and love to all of you!

Hey all,
I know I forgot to mention to you guys that my brother’s girlfriend was pregnant. Funny thing is her due date is my birthday which is March 24th. Well as you can tell by the title, things didn’t go according to plan.

Tuesday my brother calls me and he sounded kinda wierd. He says that he’s at the hospital and they are going to do a c-section. I’m concerned because she’s only 6 months pregnant. They do the c-section and out comes….

MISS MYA H. My first niece (well the first one for my brother who is my full brother.. I have half-sisters)

She’s a fighter. My brother said her arms and legs were going like crazy and she doesn’t like getting her butt wiped (sounds like her ole nasty daddy)

Wednesday she was doing okay… had some tubes in her chest.. but was doing okay

Thursday… my brother calls me and asks for a ride to the hospital… then starts crying. My ultimate weakness is to hear my brother cry… it’s just not something that he does….
Mya isn’t doing well, they think she’s dying….

My mom and I get to the hospital and Mya doesn’t look so good. Her oxygen levels are terrible and they have her on a ventilator at an unbelievable pressure. My brother was waiting for me to get there to speak to the neonatologist so that he could feel comfortable that they were telling him the truth about her prognosis. Which unfortunately, they were. The baby’s mom was at another hospital and they were waiting for her to get there to make the decision to withdraw life support. So my poor brother is there watching his daughter die and waiting for his girlfriend to arrive. The docs at the hospital were fabulous and they made sure Mya stayed alive until her mom got there. I was able to spend a couple hours with my beautiful little niece, holding her hand and stroking her little face. She looks just like my brother, even sleeps in the same strange position. She has his bushy eyebrows and his extra long eyelashes (which I have always wanted).

As soon as my brother’s girlfriend got to the hospital, Mya went to be one of the angels… I was so glad to have gotten the chance to meet her. We cried as they baptized her and got her dressed. Then, to diffuse the situation, I started cracking jokes with my brother. He knows that’s how we do things, we start laughing and things get a little better.

Coach showed me once again why I am lucky to have met him. I called him to tell him the baby was gone and he immediately asked if he should come to the hospital. Me being the independent person that I am, I told him no need. He came anyway. By the time he got there on the bus, we had already left the hospital. I met him at the bus stop and he took my mom and I to dinner (we hadn’t eaten all day). He knows how hard it is for me to cry so he just held me. I really needed that.

So goodbye my beautiful niece, I will see you again….

Well yesterday was the one year anniversary of my divorce. I felt like such a complete and total failure on that day. I tried to will myself not to cry but the thought of it made me sick. What a difference a year makes. I barely thought about the divorce yesterday. I don’t miss the ex-husband at all, sometimes perhaps I miss some of the jokes we shared.

I’m thankful now.

This has been a journey. I couldn’t imagine that one year from the divorce I’d be in love with a wonderful man who loves me and supports me in everything I do. Life isn’t all diamond necklaces and chocolate covered strawberries but it isn’t the gloom and doom I imagined last year either.

Last night I rolled over in bed, kissed him on the forehead and told him how much he means to me. Damn I’m happy to have met him.