Ok all,

Need some help.  I didn’t blog about my party because I have been dealing with some issues related to my friendships.  None of my close friends were able to make it to the party.  One just had a baby, one had to attend the recital of her daughter, one was getting her dogs fixed, one was broke.  But that’s not what was bothering me.  I totally understand that life happens, what I don’t understand is why life has to happen on my big day.

Several friends tried.  They sent text messages and left telephone congrats messages but seriously, I feel selfish because I was expecting at least a small gift.  Do you know that one friend had the nerve to tell me that it didn’t matter that the girls weren’t there because Coach and my family were.  Da hell!  The thing is, this friend is well known for being kinda tactless.  She forgot my birthday this year and didn’t even remember when I asked her what happened on Saturday.  In her minor defense, she just had a baby a couple weeks ago.  Fine.  But how are you gonna tell me that you got my email about the webcast but you couldn’t write a one line "Congrats girl" message.  Took me less than 10 seconds to do that.  So ummm, I’m giving her a little space right now.  Don’t know if we’ll remain friends, we’ll see. 

The big problem is that I’m the kind of person who goes out of her way for people.  Need me to fly to the city I hate most when I am single and not working… I’m on it. Need some forgiveness… I got you!  But I’m tired of being disappointed by others.  Now on one hand, if you don’t let people in, they can’t disappoint you but I can’t imagine being anybody but me.  If you don’t let people in, you spend forever alone.

I didn’t realize how much I missed my friends till they weren’t there.  I need to work on cultivating some new friendships.  The old friends are still important but I need to open myself to the type of people I want to be around.  The kinds of people who cry with you when you’re hurting, who help you spend your money when you have it, and the type who celebrate with you when it’s time to celebrate. 

Am I being selfish?  Was I wrong?