Dear To Whom It Should Concern,
I can’t decide who I’m mad at, you or me? Once again, I expected different. I know I can roll hard and act like I’m okay but come on, you all have known me for YEARS and I’m never as fine as I pretend to be. On the day of my grandmother’s funeral, not a single phone call. Not one text message. Not an email. And some of you I have known since we were 5.
I know we get busy with our own lives and families but you guys know that I consider you family. If you hurt, I hurt. If you need me, I come. Where were you when I needed you?
2007 was a fairly good year for me personally, professionally, and financially. But know this, 2008 is the year of re-evaluation. If you are dead weight, you will get tossed. I don’t care how long I’ve known you or how “close” I think we are. This transition has been going on since 2005. I’m back! The weight on my body is coming off and the weight in my heart is next. This is NOT the first time I have felt this way. Graduation. During the divorce.
You have never seen me go into my hermit phase. Y’all know I am my father’s daughter, when I want to disappear, I’m gone.
If this doesn’t apply to you, don’t get upset. It clearly applies to somebody, or else I wouldn’t have written it.
I’m not making excuses…but I didn’t know when the funeral was. I really meant for you to call me if you wanted a sounding board to cuss somebody the hell out. I woulda took it like a soldier.
Death is painful for me and I hate it when someone I know is touched by it. I was hurting for you but didn’t know how you grieve as grief, for me, is VERY personal.
Again…I’m not making any excuses and I truly am here for you if you need me. Call and cuss. I’ll make sure SIP doesn’t answer the phone.
Love,
Monnie
Comment by CreoleInDC — December 31, 2007 @ 10:44 am
I’m sorry you’re hurting… and this same pain I understand oh so well. At the end of every year, I “re-evaluate”. I *purge* my closets literally and metaphorically! I hope this sad and disappointing time passes quickly for you.
Comment by erica b. — December 31, 2007 @ 10:54 am
Visiting via CreoleinDC….I am so sorry for your loss. (Hugs)
Comment by 1969 — December 31, 2007 @ 11:11 am
I am so sorry to see that you are hurting and it’s even more confounding to think that the people you love are absent during your grief. My heart sincerely goes out to you.
Comment by Beloved — December 31, 2007 @ 11:41 am
Visiting via CreoleinDC. I experienced the same type of awakening after my mother’s passing. Folks that I’ve known since high school weren’t there for me. Losing someone so special to me helped me to evaluate who would be there for me, and who would stand by and watch me deal with my loss alone. I pray that you find strength and peace as you learn to manage your grief.
Comment by les — December 31, 2007 @ 11:47 am
Via CreoleinDC: I’ve so been there. I think sometimes people don’t come through when you’re grieving because they don’t know what to say, or they’re afraid they’ll say the wrong thing. That probably doesn’t make you feel much better, doesn’t help me much either, but I understand human nature enough to understand that most of us are cowards and avoid pain whenever possible. Even when it’s not our own. So we retreat and say nothing, when a simple ‘I’m here’ will suffice.
Comment by Roslyn Holcomb — December 31, 2007 @ 1:34 pm
I am truly sorry for your loss
Comment by shanti — December 31, 2007 @ 1:58 pm
Here via Creole as well: Having lost both grandmothers (2001, 2007)and have no more grandparents AT ALL, I do feel your pain and your loss and I am sorry. Good Bless.
Comment by Tiffany in Houston — December 31, 2007 @ 2:02 pm
Hey Lady..I am sorry to hear about your loss and after our lovely dinner in Chicago wish I’d have stayed in better touch. You are truly a lovely and beautiful person. The loss of a Grandmother can rock you to your bones, and most of us have so much hurt inside of us that we flee at times we should stand strong, be a shoulder and ear or a pair of open arms.
i miss my Grandmother all the time. I am truly sorry for your loss and hope that 2008 brings your the peace that passes human understanding!!
Comment by miss ahmad — December 31, 2007 @ 2:12 pm
I am so sorry for the loss of your grandmother! I know your pain,having lost both of my grandmother’s. But I also know the pain of having to leave a friendship behind. If everything is so one-sided, it’s sometimes hard to keep it going. I have been there.
Just rely on those who you know love you and cherish you - they’ll help you get through the tough times!
Comment by Monica C. — December 31, 2007 @ 2:48 pm
I’m here by way of MonicaMingo.com
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss.
Comment by tanyetta — December 31, 2007 @ 2:57 pm
Via CreoleinDC: So sorry for your loss. I am going to take a cue from you and try to purge a few people this year.
Comment by Diva527 — December 31, 2007 @ 3:06 pm
Thanks so much for all the love. I’m taking things one day at a time and of course while I’m evaluating my friendships I’m also evaluating my part in their demise.
I think that people are so afraid of messing up that they do nothing and that’s even more messed up! They know me, I would have said “I’m fine” and thanked them for the call or email. The human connection is what keeps us going and that’s why I appreciate my internet family (and internet family in-laws too)
Comment by Exhausted — December 31, 2007 @ 5:24 pm