This is about to be quite stream of conscious so forgive me in advance…
I’ve made decisions and I have to live with them. I’m moving out of the apartment we share. He’s hurting so bad right now but I have to do this for me. He’s not the same person he was 2 years ago and frankly, neither am I. I don’t know when it turned but it turned. I don’t love him the same way I used to. He knows how badly he messed up and I wish that was enough. I need space. I want to get married again but I want to be sure that I have full self-realization again. My previous marriage and divorce really messed me up in that I came out of it stronger but still unsure that I had what it takes to be a wife, a mother, an independent grown woman. Book smarts isn’t enough to get me through this stuff, I have to dig deep inside myself. I worry about Coach though. He’s having such a hard time. Bad thing is, my sister noticed the change in us. She called me to ask me what was going on. It’s not that I don’t care for him, I just have come to some really hard realizations about us and about myself.
Apartment hunting SUCKS! I know what I want and what I want to pay. Nobody is cooperating. Either the place is in the hood or too small or just not right. Man one was on the alley! Ain’t trying to make it easy for Creepy Killa Man to get me. He’s gonna have to climb some stairs or scale a fence or something! I want to move by the first week of June. Dragging this out just makes it harder on everybody.
I’m so on edge right now. I need a get-away.
