Postcards from the Tip of Insanity

1. If you want to participate, leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.” (And your e-mail address, please.)
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

1. What is the one thing you regret most in life?

My biggest regret is that I led with my heart and not with my head for so many years.  Most of my big mistakes have come from doing what I "thought" I should do instead of weighing the pros and cons.  I married a man who I fought with for years because I wanted to see things to the end.  I didn’t focus on med school the first time around because I was too busy making everybody else happy.  I could go on and on and on but I won’t.

2. Tell the details of the most memorable day of your life so far?

Hmmmm… no days stand out bigger than the others but if pressed, I would have to say May 11, 2007.  The details of the day are pretty ho hum but it is a day of significance because exactly eleven full years after my college graduation, I crossed the stage with my M.D.   The years prior were full of a marriage, a divorce, a couple romantic relationships, 3 years on active duty in Louisiana, a trip to Japan, 3 cars, a dog and 18 cats.  So many times on the journey I didn’t think I would make it but one sunny afternoon, a hood was placed around my shoulders and I was bestowed with a title I dreamed about all of my life.

3.  You’re planning your perfect day…….tell us about it?

I would wake up after 10 am to breakfast in bed (homemade waffles, bacon, a mimosa) served by my love.  After breakfast a full day at the spa, a good meal at one of my favorite restaurants capped by a Frankie Beverly and Maze concert. 

4.  The ship’s going down and you can only grab 5 things before you have to get off and go to the island….what do you take?

a.  My ipod and unlimited batteries for my portable charger

b. A blanket, I hate to get cold

c. Signaling equipment (a mirror or flashlight or something)

d. A book

e. Hell, I can’t think of anything else, I don’t get caught up in material possessions

5. The secret video is out…..who do you call first and why?

The morgue… somebody is gonna die!  I leave nooooo evidence

So I started my ICU rotation this past Monday.  This is a rotation I have been dreading all of intern year because I don’t really like caring for really sick people.  I don’t mind taking care of some sick people but having 4 patients who all have one foot on a banana peel is a bit much for me.  I tend to get personally invested in my patients and it’s really tough to watch people die.

The past few days have been especially challenging.  I have a patient who is dying (very actively dying).  The family isn’t sure whether or not they want to withdraw support.  This is a guy who has been in a nursing home for months, not mobile, not speaking, nothing.  That for me is just not living.  Too many people keep their loved ones alive to assuage their own guilt.  I have already told everyone I love and who loves me that if I am brain dead, not coming back… pull my plug!  The poor wife, this is a horrible time for her.  Her husband said he didn’t want to live on machines but she’s just not sure what that means.  But seriously, the guy isn’t aware of his surroundings, his eyes are half open with no response.  Let go.  Every time she gets ready to withdraw care, the primary physician on the case manages to talk her out of it.  For what?  Do yourselves a favor, everyone (all 3 of you.. LOL)… have an advanced medical directive.  Talk to your loved ones about your wishes and put them in writing!

 The interesting thing is that I’m such a family doc.  We were discussing the plan of care with my patient’s family and the wife started crying.  I had several discussions with her prior to this and started to build a good rapport, so I put my hand on her shoulder and told her that I know it must be hard for her.  The family started crying and my immediate response was to get tissue for everyone.  Perhaps that stems from having been a family member with a dying loved one or just from a connection with human emotions.  My senior resident was with me and even she was surprised that I got tissues.  I didn’t have to say anything, sometimes just one small act of dignity helps a person feel better.  It’s really hard to have a serious, focused discussion when you are trying to snort up the snot bubbles.

 Thank goodness ICU is only one month out of the whole year.  7 months of intern year down, 5 more blocks to go.  I still have 2 more months on our inpatient service, a month of OB-Gyn, ER and Ambulatory Pediatrics/Nursery left.  Go me!!