Postcards from the Tip of Insanity

Hey…

I don’t know who’s reading but I’m still alive.  I can’t believe it’s been that long since I wrote on my own blog.  (Not for lack of material, that’s for sure).  One day turned into two which turned into a few months.  But I’m back.  I missed blogging but I wasn’t sure where to start.

So let’s start at today…

Residency…

     Is tough!  So far I’ve completed 2 months of Surgery, 2 months of Pediatrics, and 2 months on our Inpatient Service.  1/2 way finished with my first year!!!  I’m learning so much about managing patients and about managing a career.  I can’t believe I’m doing what I love.  This month I’m on Obstetrics.  I helped deliver a couple babies so far!  Really exciting sometimes.  Sometimes it makes me a little sad because I really want kids and I wonder when it will be my turn.  I’ll have to blog about some of my favorite patients soon.  The REALLY special ones, love me.

Love…

     I haven’t told you guys about the new man in my life.  I’ll have to come up with a blog name for him.  We’ve known each other since high school.  Who knew we would get along so well romantically.  He went to high school with The Ass and has been best friends with one of my best friends since kindergarten.  Our paths have crossed a million times but we’ve always just been friends.  About a year ago, we ran into each other at a wedding and have been best buds ever since.  I was dating Coach and he had a girlfriend so initially nothing romantic was popping off (even though I did know he has thought I was cute since HS).  I plead the fifth about whether anything happened before our breakups.  But since then, we have been utterly inseparable. 

     I went back and read some things I wrote about Coach and other men in my past and at first I was worried because my feelings for this one sound vaguely familiar.  But in analysis with a few of my best friends, I have come to understand that what I felt for the men in the past is no less genuine than what I feel now.  They were preparation for what I have now.  I’m totally myself with him, I was always guarded with Coach and I was sure nuff rusty in the dating game with the other fellows. He accepts me flaws and all, as I do with him.  Our relationship isn’t perfect, but I am so happy and proud to have him in my corner.  I told him the other day that I used to joke about rolling all my exes and male friends up to make a wonderful man for me.  The weird thing is that he is all of them in one.  My family likes him so far and my friends love him.  Well then again, they always say that until the breakup… then they tell me how they really feel. I’m some crazy kind of in love with him, we’re even that "cutesy couple" that I always laugh at.  I can’t believe I’m the "honey" and "sweetheart" kind of gal now.  My niece is even willing to share him with me, and she doesn’t like anyone!

 So I’m back… gonna do better!  I miss sharing my life with the world

Okay first of all.. A Very Late Merry Christmas and an early Happy New Year (y’all know how sporadically I post)

So this is finally the last week of 2006. This year has had its ups and downs for me. This was the year I went completely broke, my first year as a divorced woman, the year I passed boards, the year I moved out of my sisters apartment, and best of all … it’s the year I met Coach.

Creole in DC (one of my absolute favorite bloggers) posted today about how much she loves her husband (who sounds absolutely fabulous!). So of course you know I started thinking about the love in my life.

But before we talk about the ever wonderful Coach, let me step back to the very beginning of the year. Newly divorced and incredibly jealous of the fact that the ex had a new girlfriend, I had begun to do the unthinkable. I actually began to believe that I was not loveable. I thought that the ex may have been it. I thought about getting with the guy I cheated on the ex with since at least I knew he cared for me at one time. But wait… what kind of stupid bs was that. I can’t pinpoint the day that I said… ENOUGH but I am damn sure glad I did! And then I willed myself to stop looking for a mate because “I can do bad by my damn self” (the lonely woman’s anthem).

And then I met him…

I don’t really know why I was so drawn to Coach initially. He’s handsome but I’ve dated some pretty hot men. He and I didn’t talk alot but we seemed to have a good conversation.

He is truly my other half (I am the better half). He is comforting when I am down, silly when I need a laugh, supportive of my career goals, generous with his time and money. It’s kind of hard to believe that when we met, he had two jobs and was coaching Little League. I don’t know where he found time for me in that life, but I’m awful glad he did.

We have had a few relationship challenges lately that I’ve been meaning to blog about. Now that I’m at my do nothing job where I’m waiting for students who are on break to come in for tutoring (yeah, that will happen), I have time to share.

I went to an interview for my residency position in Milwaukee a week or so ago. I initally only went because one of my girls is in the program and I just wanted to see where she worked. I fell in LOVE with the program. Milwaukee is about 2 hrs from Chicago (Problem!). They had everything I was looking for… except Coach. He doesn’t want to move. So I came home and sheepishly told him that I loved the program. He sighed and said “ok, go”, “milwaukee isn’t that far away”. He said that he loved me too much to let me skip a great opportunity. I was hurt that he would let me go but at the same time I was touched by his generosity. But in the end, I chose to have the whole life I want. Life is more than career. That’s a dilemma alot of women face. I am happy in my relationship, happy in my church, and I like having the support of family. I had to choose happiness. Three years is a long time to live apart and I have big plans for us in the next three years.

The second challenge is our living situation. I have been living with Coach since I got back from Florida. We love living in the same place. Coach and I are a wonderful team so things have gone really smoothly. The catch… church and our moral foundation. He and I are both church going, cussing, sinning, works in progress. He prays with his prayer group three times a week at 5am. I don’t quite have that level of dedication yet but I do sing in the choir at church and pray and all that other good stuff. We initally planned to live together until I started residency and could afford my own place. Then we figured we could just live together indefinitely and save some money. He discussed it with his prayer group and they objected. So we started to think things over and while we don’t see anything immoral about it, we decided to go back to the original plan of me getting my own place. No need to start a life together on the wrong foot. We’re trying to do the right things this time. He has lived with someone before and I’ve been married once already so we both have things we want to do differently this time. I have gone broke recently so I’m working double duty trying to be ready to move. Hell, I even did an extra 6 weeks of school so that I can get some financial aid (yeah I know it’s still loan money but what is 1 more semester in the grand scheme of things).

So anyway, been rambling long enough. Gotta figure out when/how to use the spa gift certificate the honey bought me for Christmas. He said he went for the smaller gift since he brought me most of my Christmas present the day after Thanksgiving when we went shopping. He must not know how badly the kid needs a facial, pedicure, eyebrow threading… shoot, I gots plans!

2007 is my year! I have already claimed it. Coach and I are working on our health and finances. He’s cutting back on his ebay, I’m cutting back on dining out in expensive restaurants. Yes a broke negro still likes a good meal sometimes… the key is learning to cut back, not out!

Peace and love to all of you!

Well yesterday was the one year anniversary of my divorce. I felt like such a complete and total failure on that day. I tried to will myself not to cry but the thought of it made me sick. What a difference a year makes. I barely thought about the divorce yesterday. I don’t miss the ex-husband at all, sometimes perhaps I miss some of the jokes we shared.

I’m thankful now.

This has been a journey. I couldn’t imagine that one year from the divorce I’d be in love with a wonderful man who loves me and supports me in everything I do. Life isn’t all diamond necklaces and chocolate covered strawberries but it isn’t the gloom and doom I imagined last year either.

Last night I rolled over in bed, kissed him on the forehead and told him how much he means to me. Damn I’m happy to have met him.

Ok so I haven’t blogged in a few days… not that anybody is reading…

Decisions were made… I’m moving in with Coach. I haven’t told my sister yet because everytime I go to the house, she is either not there or asleep.

I am so in love with this man! Did I tell you all that I turned him into a blogger? He does his take on sports and entertainment at http://theworldaccordingtoac.blogspot.com

I’m even becoming domestic again. I am on my ER rotation right now so my hours are screwy. I worked 11pm to 7am on Monday then slept from 7:30 to 3. Since I was up, I decided to cook dinner for my sweetie and take him to his 2nd job. I wanted it to be a surprise so I told him I needed to chat with him about something. When I got there with his dinner, he was soooo surprised. Makes my day to make his day. That’s what love is all about to me.. digging deep and doing something small from the heart just because!

I have so much to write about (especially about the emergency room). Got a meeting in a few so I’ll catch up with the bloggers and then write a new post later.

I made it home safely from Jacksonville. So glad to be home! Coach made me dinner and didn’t even eat any because he was full. I can’t say how much I appreciate that man! He kept calling so that he could time dinner to be ready when i got there. Of course we kept running into minor traffic issues that made the trip longer and longer. I was getting antsy because I was trying to get to my sweetie.

So far I have 6 interviews. Why is there a program that I find interesting that is an hour and a half from here? Is this a test? I am going to interview there and then see what happens. I still don’t think I want to move but this should be interesting.

Today has been a day. Got a traffic ticket this morning (yeah I drive 16 hours without getting one and get one at home)! My car is acting crazy this morning. I was having a breakdown until Coach called and said “Whatever it is, we can get through it together” How sweet is that!

Gotta take a nap, when I wake up I hope this day gets better.

Today’s post is inspired by alot of things. First, Diva (in Demand’s post . Then, my observations of a few married couples I know. And then of course, my Coach. And let’s not forget the wonderful family movie “Menace to Society” which contained the above song by Hi-Five (anybody know what happened to them?)

Diva’s topic today was about catering to your man. My first reaction was “Cater to Who???” But as I have grown over the past year, I have come to realize that catering is not subservience. Catering is a reaction from your heart. When you love someone, you want their load to be lighter. When they have a bad day, you want to hold them. When they come home, you want to be sure they have a good meal. It’s more than “that’s my role”, it’s about seeing the need and finding a way to meet it.

The trick of course is finding someone who loves you as much as you love them. When YOU have a bad day, they have their arms open. When YOU have a long day, they know how to either cook or pick up the phone and get a pizza. When the baby is crying, they don’t watch you juggling a thousand tasks and say “Girl you better do something about that”.

Love doesn’t take score. Love supports and nurtures. Love knows when to put the need of the other in front of selfish desires.

I have a friend who has been married for almost 10 years. Her husband just sprung the idea of buying a new house on her and expects her to move in three weeks. They both work and have little ones starting school in a week. Talk about stress. Now if you are going to do something like that, you should know that you may have to give her some extra attention. Help in the house more. Give her a day off from the kids. I have another friend who works so well with his wife that they have survived some true relationship-testing situations (family members moving in, financial stresses).

It’s all about the team.

Coach and I are proving to be a pretty good team. He’s gotten very good at anticipating my needs and he tells me quite often that he feels supported by me. We’ve had a disagreement or two but we’ve been able to rationally discuss it and come to some mutual conclusions about how to handle things differently. I truly feel that there is a WE not a ME and YOU. There is definitely a difference. I don’t think this is all “new relationship” bliss. There is a certain level of trust there. I have come to trust that he has OUR best interests at heart and I think he feels the same about me. Now believe me, this relationship is certainly not perfect but it nurtures my heart, arouses my intellect (as well as my loins— ok too much “Coming to America” lately). I’m slowing shaving down the calluses on my heart… hmmmm.

“Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you’ve got
Till it’s gone”

In the early stages, post-divorce I totally agreed with the words of that song but today, it’s a matter of I didn’t know what I wanted until I got it. At my loneliest (scroll down, y’all remember) I was so concerned that I wouldn’t find a closeness like I had with the ex-husband. Now, I’m thankful I don’t have a man in my life who is like the ex.

Can I tell y’all how much I’m digging dating an intelligent man? That is soooo dang sexy! So I’m working on a personal statement for an honor society I’m trying to get elected to and I forwarded it to him for his opinion/assistance. This is so not something I could have done with the ex or even with my favorite rebound man since both of them had ummm let’s just say substandard writing skils. But anyway, I sent it to him and his initial comment was that he liked where I was going with the statement and it sounded pretty good to him. He gave a few tips and I thought that was the end of that. How about today he reworked the whole statement and it just FLOWS!!! It’s exactly what I was trying to get across. He is THAT guy! I appreciate his level of concern, his support, and his follow-through. I am ever amazed at how well we mesh and how I can start the sentence and he completes it. He even went to the website for the honor society to get a feel for what the honor society is all about and what they are looking for. Ok wow!

Twice this week I’ve had to be “Super-Doc” on the street. Sunday when we were coming back from Cos.tco, a little boy was hit by a car. The kid had to be about 6 or 7 years old. He was with teenage cousins and ran out into an extremely busy street. The cousins made the mistake of picking up trying to carry him to safety (side note- NEVER NEVER NEVER move someone when they are hit by a car). I stopped the car and Coach dials 911. I grabbed my stethoscope and went to check on the little boy. Nasty gash on the back of the head but he was on the surface ok. Crying is sometimes a good thing, because it lets us know that you are still functioning. I stayed with him until the ambulance got there and then proceeded with the day. Coach asked me if I was okay. I had to remind him that although I can be extra sensitive, there is a certain level of professional detachment needed to care for an injured child. The second episode was at the Little League game yesterday. One of his players got hit in the shin (pretty dang hard). I made sure it wasn’t broken, stretched it out and iced it down. Coach is always so proud of me. He calls me his personal physician (Dr Death when nobody is around).

Ok so I’m procrastinating, guess I’ll get back to work.